Our tiny son was born 3 months early on the last day of January this year. He came without warning,and our lives were turned upside down as we wrapped our mind around the kind of care he would need before he would be able to come home. We wondered many times that first week whether he would come home at all. But then, God gave us this incredible peace about our little boy. Those three months in the hospital were very tough, but he's home now and doing really well. We have lots and lots of doctor visits for follow-ups, but no major health issues . . . that is until yesterday. We learned that he is mostly likely severely to profoundly hearing impaired. For six months, he most likely hasn't heard anything we've said. The fact that he's stuck inside a little body with no hearing just breaks my heart. As I think about what we need to do, all the changes that we'll face, and the decisions, I feel overwhelmed. As I think about what he will face throughout his life . . . who he'll marry, his children, his job, I am mortified. I've spent so much time crying about this over the last day and a half.
Yesterday, right after the diagnosis, I felt God whisper to my heart, "I will use this for My glory." That brought peace, but fear keeps inching back in. I tell myself that we're so blessed to even have him here, that this is just a minor set-back, but the fear suffocates. I meditate on 2 Timothy 1:7, "For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of courage, love and a sound mind."
Then yesterday, as I was doing dishes, thinking about my little one, God spoke to me again. He said, "I want you to thank Me for this." Immediately, my gut lurched and tears poured down my face. Thank Him for this? A very difficult life for my son? But I knew I had to. It would be my "sacrifice of praise." There were other times God asked me to make a sacrifice of praise, times during my son's hospital stay. Each time, I did. Not knowing what the outcome would be. Now, here I am again. The outcome is unclear, and I may not personally ever know how difficult this way of life is for my son, but I did it. With my 2 year old daughter on my lap, I knelt, laid hands on my tiny son, and said, with tears streaming down my face, "Lord, I thank you for my son's deafness. I trust that You will use if for Your glory."
PalmsUp, I wait to see how God will provide for my baby boy. I know He will. He blesses us every time we say YES to God.